Woman with the Big Head

Yesterday, one of the Korean girls had her senior recital. I was amazed at the clarity, depth, and magnitude of the voice that came from such a soft spoken little woman! She did a wonderful job...and she's not the woman with the big head, by the way. My Korean friend is studying music, hoping to work with Bible translation in missions, using music as a way to incorporate the gospel message into culture as they work to translate the Bible into a new language. What an amazing vision and passion! Her mother traveled all the way from Korea for the event, and I got to meet her. (She's not the woman with the big head, either.)

As I began to walk onto campus toward the Music Hall, I realized that God had developed me from being a young woman, into being a woman. Somewhere along the lines of the past several years, I stopped associating myself with collegiate life. The mid-twenties were such a mix of learning life outside of college, though I really related to college life more than adult life. Walking on campus made me confirm in my head that I was in a new life stage.

I was dressed in clothes from work, and sticking out like a sore thumb among the students. Though I was older and had different responsibilities, I realized that my life now has just as many unknowns. Faith is required of me now, as it was in college when my financial means were less and when my future looked like a blank sheet of paper. Faith is always required in relationship with God.

Instead of faith, I chose to make my head big and think myself as better because I was older. Self-righteousness began to separate me from the ones that I should have compassion on. In my attitude, I turned my back on the Lord's sheep and goats.

"Do you love me?" Jesus asked Peter. "Then feed my sheep." (John 21)

I am the woman with the big head. Instead of faith in God, as a woman who seeks to do His work with her life, I chose to appease my fears with self-righteousness. My head grew and my heart shrank.

May the grace of God lead us to recognize and confess our sin, and to pray for one another in our daily need for Christ's work on the cross.

© 2006 by Kendra Hinkle.